It has become quite apparent, that I spend a good deal of time worrying about my inter-personal experiences on a day to day basis. I find myself, time and time again, reflecting on the interactions I have for long periods after they have passed.

If this sounds weird to you, I challenge your self observation. If you pay careful attention to your thoughts for the few minutes after a conversation, you will find that the interaction plays out in your head multiple times. With each replay, comes new interpretations and judgements. Some self critical, and other self appraising. The nature of these thoughts is irrelevant, but if I was to do a survey, I already know that the majority of these judgements would be negative.

So what? this isn’t the first time you’ve used your blog to point out the negativity bias of human thought.

Yes that is true, but today I want to shred some light on the solution to the negative self judgement of our interactions.

There is a vicious cycle that gives life and energy to our negative self judgement.

It is as follows…

  1. We judge our actions and words negatively
  2. This degrades our self concept
  3. We take further action and speak more words from a place of lowered self concept
  4. These words and actions attempt to compensate for our lowered self concept
  5. This results in actions and words that are attempts to boost our self concept
  6. Any words or actions that try to boost self concept, always end up receiving negative self judgement. Because action taken from a place of low esteem, in attempt to boost self esteem, is always self degrading and unauthentic.
  7. We judge these new words and actions
  8. The cycle continues and we live our lives, in a state of perpetual judgement

The solution…

Don’t try to rationalise or analyse your words and actions. Simply pay attention to the mind and wait for negative judgement to arise. Then, rather than trying to correct it, become intensely present and feel into your heart. Focus on your unconditional love for your self and every being.

For it is only from a place of compassion that we transcend the destructive nature of ego.

You will never win the battle of negativity vs positivity in the form of thought. Our thoughts are generated by the brain. A brain which evolved to keep us alive in the age of the cave man. The slow evolutional process of the human brain has forced us into a position where we are still fearing for our life, at every waking second of our existence,in an environment where there is hardly any survival threat.

This biological predisposition is responsible for the negativity/fear bias we are hindered by. The only way to rise above the mind is to become the observer of its creations. It is not possible to watch the mind at every waking moment. Our attention spans are far to short and the minds stories are far to immersive and captivating. We can however, train our minds to identify negative self judgement.

Every time you identify self judgement, your awareness increase. Eventually, you will become super attuned to the appearance of such criticism. From this point onwards, you must simply practice using compassion and love as an overriding force against your genetically inherited, self inflicting, esteem decimation.

I know a lot of people struggle with being openminded towards advice that Involves harnessing the power of “love”. Simply because it sounds like new age bullshit. I completely understand this stance, as love and its associated power has become a cliche statement. But it became a cliche stamens for a reason, it works.

But it will not work if it comes from a place of skepticism or resistance. Harnessing the power of compassion is not an intellectual process. This is why it is dismissed by so many intellectuals. They live in a head based paradigm, which unfortunately, lessons their ability to feel with the heart. Heart based action is a very intuitive power. One, that once utilised, will elevate a lot of the suffering caused by head based thinking.

Anyway, I’m ranting off on a tangent that is far outside the scope of the post. None the less, I will leave those last paragraphs in simply with the intention of polarising some people and stirring interest in others.

To summarise…

  • Start paying attention to your negative self judgement, this will increase your awareness of it.
  • Use your increased awareness to identify the presence of self judgement
  • Rather than analysing your words and action, switch to a place of compassion for yourself and others
  • This can be done by quieting the mind and feeling with the heart
  • Once you stop judging self, your action, words and thought will become more admirable. For it is only from a place of insecurity, that act in ways we later regret.