The judgment of others, or “talking shit” is one of the common, socially acceptable forms of negativity. All who participate, feel a sense of power and humour. However, when the tables are turned they don’t seem to find it so comical nor empowering.

Why is it then that people seem to validate the down talking of others, while they resent it directed at themselves?

The first thing you must understand, is that in order to create the desire within to you to talk ill of someone. You must first disown or reject an element of who you are. Whether it is on a unconscious or conscious level, you cannot hate something about someone else, without first hating something about yourself. This explains why shit talking is such a common occurrence. The vast majority of the human population are insecure, and rightly so. They were raised by insecure people, who were made insecure by the previous generation of insecure people and so on.

Let me elaborate on that so I don’t cause confusion.

People don’t become insecure simply by spending time with insecure people. They become insecure because of the actions of the insecure people they spend time around. Different people respond to their insecurities in different ways. However, it is very common for people to deal with it by projecting their insecurities onto others in the form of condescending words and actions. As a result they create and reinforce the belief that you aren’t good enough. Only because they don’t feel good enough themselves. The cycle continues from person to person, generation to generation. Only to be stopped when someone in the line finds their sense of self worth or develops an awareness of the nature and habits of insecure people.

Next time you catch yourself down talking someone, remind yourself. Your bad words are only a reflection of your low self esteem. Rather than being upset at this realisation, why not take advantage of it. Say something nice about them instead. At first it will feel forced, but overtime the habit pattern of your mind will change and the way you think about people will evolve.

This won’t fix your insecurities, but it’s a step in the right direction. After all, that’s what self development is. Tiny steps in the right direction. If you think this journey is going to happen in  day, or a week or even in 10 years, you’re kidding yourself. But each day you get the opportunity to take a step in the right direction or the wrong direction.

choose wisely 🙂

“A healthy mind does not speak ill of others” – unknown.